INFIDELITY

ABSTRACT

Lust is the precursor of infidelity.

ਮਾਇਆ ਮੋਹਿ ਸਗਲ ਜਗੁ ਛਾਇਆ ॥
ਕਾਮਣਿ ਦੇਖਿ ਕਾਮਿ ਲੋਭਾਇਆ ॥

Mā▫i▫ā mohi sagal jag cẖẖā▫i▫ā.Kāman dekh kām lobhā▫i▫ā.

Emotional attachment to Maya is spread out all over the world. Seeing a beautiful woman, the man is overcome with sexual desire.-----Guru Nanak, Raag Parbhati, AGGS, Page, 1342-13

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Infidelity as described in Wikipedia is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship, which constitutes a significant to extreme breach, or outright default, on the implicit good faith contract of a relationship, or a betrayal of core shared values with which the integrity and nature of the relationship is defined. In common use, it describes an act of unfaithfulness to one’s husband, wife, or lover, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature. This is an obstruction in the way of spiritual growth as stated by Guru Amar Das in Raag Bihagrha;

ਸੇਖਾ ਅੰਦਰਹੁ ਜੋਰੁ ਛਡਿ ਤੂ ਭਉ ਕਰਿ ਝਲੁ ਗਵਾਇ ॥
ਗੁਰ ਕੈ ਭੈ ਕੇਤੇ ਨਿਸਤਰੇ ਭੈ ਵਿਚਿ ਨਿਰਭਉ ਪਾਇ ॥
ਮਨੁ ਕਠੋਰੁ ਸਬਦਿ ਭੇਦਿ ਤੂੰ ਸਾਂਤਿ ਵਸੈ ਮਨਿ ਆਇ ॥
ਸਾਂਤੀ ਵਿਚਿ ਕਾਰ ਕਮਾਵਣੀ ਸਾ ਖਸਮੁ ਪਾਏ ਥਾਇ ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਕਾਮਿ ਕ੍ਰੋਧਿ ਕਿਨੈ ਨ ਪਾਇਓ ਪੁਛਹੁ ਗਿਆਨੀ ਜਾਇ ॥

Sekẖā anḏrahu jor cẖẖad ṯū bẖa▫o kar jẖal gavā▫e. Gur kai bẖai keṯe nisṯare bẖai vicẖ nirbẖa▫o pā▫e. Man kaṯẖor sabaḏ bẖeḏ ṯūʼn sāʼnṯ vasai man ā▫e. Sāʼnṯī vicẖ kār kamāvṇī sā kẖasam pā▫e thā▫e. Nānak kām kroḏẖ kinai na pā¬i¬o pucẖẖahu gi¬ānī jā¬ė.

O Sheikh, abandon your cruel nature; live in the Fear of God and give up your madness. Through the Fear of the Guru, many have been saved; in this fear, find the Fearless God. Pierce your stone heart with the Word of the Sabd; let peace and tranquility come to abide in your mind. If good deeds are done in this state of peace, they are approved by the God and Master. O, Nanak, through sexual desire and anger, no one has ever found God - go, and ask any wise man.-----Guru Amar Das, Raag Bihagrha, AGGS, Page, 551-19

Lust is one’s desire for the gratification of sexual appetite.  It can become an obsessive desire. One can become eager, passionate, and even sinful, if the desire becomes particularly inordinate.

ਕੋਟਿ ਕੋਟਿ ਤੇਤੀਸ ਧਿਆਵਹਿ ਤਾ ਕਾ ਅੰਤੁ ਨ ਪਾਵਹਿ ਪਾਰੇ ॥
ਹਿਰਦੈ ਕਾਮ ਕਾਮਨੀ ਮਾਗਹਿ ਰਿਧਿ ਮਾਗਹਿ ਹਾਥੁ ਪਸਾਰੇ ॥

Kot kot ṯeṯīs ḏẖi▫āvahi ṯā kā anṯ na pāvahi pare. hirḏai kām kāmnī māgėh riḏẖ māgėh hāth pasāre.

Millions of people and three hundred thirty millions of gods meditate on Immortal God, but they cannot find Its end or limitation. With sexual urges in their hearts, they beg for beautiful women; stretching out their hands, they beg for riches.-----Guru Ram Das, Raag Ramkali, AGGS, Page, 882-11

There are two areas in a close relationship where infidelity mostly occurs: physical intimacy and emotional intimacy. Infidelity is not just about sex outside the relationship, but about trust, betrayal, lying and disloyalty. What makes infidelity so painful is the fact that it involves someone deliberately using deception to violate established expectations within a relationship.

Sexual infidelity refers to sexual activity with someone other than the partner one is committed to. Sexual infidelity in marriage is called adultery, philanderer or an affair and in other interpersonal relationships it may be called cheating. A man whose wife has committed adultery is referred to as a cuckold, while a woman whose husband has cheated on her is known as a Cuckquean.

ਬਨਿਤਾ ਛੋਡਿ ਬਦ ਨਦਰਿ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ॥
ਵੇਸਿ ਨ ਪਾਈਐ ਮਹਾ ਦੁਖਿਆਰੀ ॥

Banitaa Chhod Bad Nadar Par Naaree, Vays Na Paa-ee-ai Mahaa Dukhi-aaree.

You have abandoned your own wife, but now you sneak glances at other women. God is not found by wearing religious robes; you are utterly miserable!-----Guru Arjun, Raag Parbhati, AGGS, Page, 1348-8

What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and depends also on the type of relationship that exists between people. Even within an open relationship, infidelity may arise if a partner to the relationship acts outside of the understood boundaries of the relationship. Guru Arjan in Raag Maru comments;

ਗੁਪਤੁ ਕਰਤਾ ਸੰਗਿ ਸੋ ਪ੍ਰਭੁ ਡਹਕਾਵਏ ਮਨੁਖਾਇ ॥
ਬਿਸਾਰਿ ਹਰਿ ਜੀਉ ਬਿਖੈ ਭੋਗਹਿ ਤਪਤ ਥੰਮ ਗਲਿ ਲਾਇ ॥੧॥
ਰੇ ਨਰ ਕਾਇ ਪਰ ਗ੍ਰਿਹਿ ਜਾਇ ॥
ਕੁਚਲ ਕਠੋਰ ਕਾਮਿ ਗਰਧਭ ਤੁਮ ਨਹੀ ਸੁਨਿਓ ਧਰਮ ਰਾਇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
ਬਿਕਾਰ ਪਾਥਰ ਗਲਹਿ ਬਾਧੇ ਨਿੰਦ ਪੋਟ ਸਿਰਾਇ ॥
ਮਹਾ ਸਾਗਰੁ ਸਮੁਦੁ ਲੰਘਨਾ ਪਾਰਿ ਨ ਪਰਨਾ ਜਾਇ ॥੨॥
ਕਾਮਿ ਕ੍ਰੋਧਿ ਲੋਭਿ ਮੋਹਿ ਬਿਆਪਿਓ ਨੇਤ੍ਰ ਰਖੇ ਫਿਰਾਇ ॥
ਸੀਸੁ ਉਠਾਵਨ ਨ ਕਬਹੂ ਮਿਲਈ ਮਹਾ ਦੁਤਰ ਮਾਇ ॥੩॥

Gupaṯ karṯā sang so parabẖ dėhkāva▫e manukẖā▫e. Bisār har jī▫o bikẖai bẖogėh ṯapaṯ thamm gal lā▫e. Re nar kā▫e par garihi jā▫e. Kucẖal kaṯẖor kām garḏẖabẖ ṯum nahī suni▫o ḏẖaram rā▫e. rahā▫o. Bikār pāthar galėh bāḏẖe ninḏ pot sirā▫e. Mahā sāgar samuḏ langẖnā pār na parnā jā▫e.  Kām kroḏẖ lobẖ mohi bi▫āpi▫o neṯar rakẖe firā▫e. Sīs uṯẖāvan na kabhū mil▫ī mahā ḏuṯar mā▫e. 

You may act in secrecy, but God is still with you; you can only deceive other people. Forgetting your Dear God, you enjoy corrupt pleasures, and so you shall have to embrace red-hot pillars. O man, why do you go out to the households of others? You filthy, heartless, lustful donkey! Haven't you heard of the Righteous Judge? Pause. the stone of corruption is tied around your neck and the load of slander is on your head. You must cross over the vast open ocean, but you cannot cross over to the other side.  you are engrossed in sexual desire, anger, greed and emotional attachment; you have turned your eyes away from the Truth. You cannot even raise your head above the water of the vast, impassable sea of Maya. -----Guru Arjun, Raag Maru, AGGS, Page, 1001-15

Emotional infidelity refers to emotional involvement with another person, which leads one’s partner to channel emotional resources such as romantic love, time, and attention to someone else. With the association of multi-user dimensions the level of intimate involvement has extended from in-person involvement to online affairs. Emotional infidelity, compared to just physical infidelity, can inflict as much, if not more, hurt, pain and suffering. And to make matters worse, most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal. It is said that many people find a more suitable mate, someone they love more than their spouse, after they are already married.

According to Sabd Guru, gender has equal rights in all aspects of life. Infidelity, cheating, and lust with added ego are voices of sinful use of lower instincts like animals. Kabir compares such individuals to dogs or pigs or crow in Raag Maru:

ਸੁਆਨ ਸੂਕਰ ਬਾਇਸ ਜਿਵੈ ਭਟਕਤੁ ਚਾਲਿਓ ਊਠਿ ॥
ਕਾਮੀ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੀ ਚਾਤੁਰੀ ਬਾਜੀਗਰ ਬੇਕਾਮ ॥
ਨਿੰਦਾ ਕਰਤੇ ਜਨਮੁ ਸਿਰਾਨੋ ਕਬਹੂ ਨ ਸਿਮਰਿਓ ਰਾਮੁ ॥

Su-aan Sookar Baa-is Jivai Bhatkat Chaali-o Ooth,Kaamee KroDhee Chaaturee Baajeegar Baykaam, Ninda Kartay Janam Sirano Kabhoo Na Simrio Raam.

You wander like a dog, a pig, a crow; soon, you shall have to get up and leave. The lustful, the angry, the clever, the deceitful and the lazy waste their lives in slander, and never remember their God in meditation.-----Kabir, Raag Maru, AGGS, Page, 1105-16,18

Conclusion:

Spiritual progress has no future in these individuals until and unless they subjugate the animal instincts with the development of virtues.  In the light of above writings about character defects of males I would like to again debate the subject of lust which involves both genders. Ultimately, our deepest needs are met through our relationship with God. It has created us that way.  No human being can reach deep inside us like God Can, in order to meet our core needs for communion and intimacy with another.  We also need people to help us meet other social and emotional needs such as for companionship and friendship. These needs are universal and powerful. They must be met before we will find freedom in our sexuality. Until these emotional needs are satisfied, we will continue to struggle with inappropriate sexual desires.