Sunday, August 15, 2010

EGO/ਹਉਮੈ/ਅਹੰਕਾਰ

ABSTRACT

“Pride has a fall”

Ego/ਹਉਮੈ/ਹੰਕਾਰ/ਅਹੰਕਾਰ is an inflated feeling of pride in one’s superiority to others. Ego is a poor word translation for Houmai.  ਅਹੰਕਾਰ - ਅਹੰ- ਮਮ. ਮੈ ਮੇਰੀ ਦਾ ਭਾਵ- ਅਹੰਤਾ. ਅਭਿਮਾਨ. ਖ਼ੁਦੀ. One’s psyche or conscious most immediately controls thought and behavior, if it is in touch with external reality. It gives one an exaggerated sense of self-importance or conceit.

Ego is the seat of anxiety as its propensity is to identify with the material conditions. It is guaranteed to fail since nothing material will keep its form forever. The notion of super-ego refers to social construction of rules for one’s behavioral conduct.  It is governed by the context of one’s social reality.  -----Webster’s Dictionary                                                              

Ego is an inflated feeling of pride in one’s superiority to others. One’s psyche or conscious  controls thought and behavior, if it is in touch with external reality. It gives one an exaggerated sense of self-importance or conceit. Ego is the inflated feeling of pride in one’s superiority to the others.  It involves the self-consciousness of one’s own identity.  This identity is produced by several mental processes, such as perception, memory and some specific defense mechanisms. Resulting ego is neither an entity nor a process. It is only a notion of I-amness, which exists in the mind. It's not our choice to have the ego or not. We are born with it. It is the nature of the mind to experience its individuality. All our desires, attachment, experiences in the world are due to this ego based in the mind. It is a complex within psyche, which constitutes the center of person’s field of consciousness and carries a high degree of continuity and identity.

ਸੁਖੀ ਬਸੈ ਮਸਕੀਨੀਆ ਆਪੁ ਨਿਵਾਰ ਤਲੇ
ਬਡੇ ਬਡੇ ਅਹੰਕਾਰੀਆ ਨਾਨਕ ਗਰਬ ਗਲੇ
Sukhee Basai Maskeenee-aa Aap Nivaar Talay,Baday Baday AhaNkaaree-aa Nanak Garab Galay.

The humble beings abide in peace; subduing egotism, they are meek. The very proud and arrogant persons, O Nanak, are consumed by their own pride.                                                
                                                                 -----Guru Arjun Gauri Sukhmani, AGGS, Page, 278-5                                                                                                                                                                             ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First, Ego provides a setting of rigorous honesty that soon exposes how much we have been distorted by the I-Me-Mine complex.

ਮੇਰੀ ਮੇਰੀ ਕਰਿ ਗਏ ਤਨੁ ਧਨੁ ਕਲਤੁ ਨ ਸਾਥਿ
ਬਿਨੁ ਨਾਵੈ ਧਨੁ ਬਾਦਿ ਹੈ ਭੂਲੋ ਮਾਰਗਿ ਆਥਿ
ਸਾਚਉ ਸਾਹਿਬੁ ਸੇਵੀਐ ਗੁਰਮੁਖਿ ਅਕਥੋ ਕਾਥਿ
Meri Meri Kar Ga-ay Tan Dhan Kalut Na Sath, Bin Navai Dhan Baad Hai Bhoollou Marg Aath. Sācẖao sāhib sevīai gurmukẖ aktho kāth.

Crying out, "Mine! Mine!” they have departed, but their bodies, their wealth, and their wives did not go with them. The ideal of the life should be to remember the God Almighty, who is beyond our comprehension, and serve him through Guru’s guidance and sing Its praises. So serve the True God; become Guru oriented, and speak the Unspoken.-----Guru Nanak, Sri Raag, AGGS, Page, 59-14

Second, a review of each day while meditating develops one’s own insight and discloses how insubstantial and lacking in continuity these distortions created by ego really are.

Third, as we interact with others, we learn the ways to ward off the dysfunctions in the practices of our daily lives.

Fourth, meditation provides a context that is intrinsically so much more appealing than the life we had been leading, and the awakened spirit is more actualized, buoyant, and compassionate.

Ego is of two kinds:

(i)      Identified with moral responsibility.

     (ii)   Divine and indestructible.

Ego identified with moral responsibility takes many forms:

  1. The power ego loves nothing more than a display of one’s power over the others. If one is aware that this ego is controlling him, one has to apply the strength boosted by his ego with care.  He must use it in a way that does not hurt the others as a result.
  2. The superiority ego can easily convince one that he is superior to the others and that his skills are more important than those of his friends, of his family, and of his co-workers.
  3. The defensive ego keeps one so self-satisfied that it's hard for him to accept the guidance and lessons others offer.
  4. The stubborn ego can keep the real self imprisoned. It backs up the defense ego perfectly by disallowing one to admit that he is wrong and that the others are right. It blocks acknowledgement that otherwise could promote growth.
  5. The meddling ego can takes on power to actually let one believe that he knows what is best for others. It tells one there isn't a need to ask if others need or want his opinion, it goes blasting in. 
These were just a few examples of egotism. There are many more forms of ego that make one blind to all of the love that life holds for him. The ego was given to serve one not to control him. Take back the power you have unconsciously endowed to your ego. While the ego will always remain a strong part of what you are, it is time to let go of the ego to free yourself and begin living a life of conscious change and loving with humility.

Where did the hitherto partisan self of the Me generation go? It seems like a return to one's original state in the eternal scheme of things. Why have so few ever become perfectly evolved, selfless beings? It may be that it requires a glacially slow process of unlearning and personal restructuring. It turns out, that at first one must simply learn how to unlearn. This opens one up to the process of relearning. As it unfolds on its own, it seems to reconnect the person with what may seem as new and vital relationships. Yet they have always been there. Guru Angad in Raag Majh explains about spiritual exaltation:

God is seen, heard and known, but the subtle essence may escape us. How can the lame, armless and blind person run to embrace God? Let the Fear of God be your feet, and let Its Love be your hands; let Its Understanding be your eyes. Says Nanak, in this way, O wise soul-bride, you shall be united with your Husband God. Forever and ever, You are the only One. You set the play of duality in motion. You created egotism and arrogant pride, and You placed greed within our beings. Keep me as it pleases Your Will.  Everyone acts as You cause him to act. Some are forgiven, and merge with You.  Through the Guru's Teachings, we are joined to You. Some stand and serve You.   Without the Name, nothing else pleases the seekers. Any other task would be worthless to them-You have enjoined them to Your True Service. In the midst of children, spouse and relations, some still remain detached; they are pleasing to Your Will. Inwardly and outwardly, they are pure, and they are absorbed in the True Name.  -----Guru Angad, Raag Majh Ki Vaar, AGGS, Page, 139

The ego (ਅਹੰਕਾਰ) means that it creates I-ness. It has no other meaning. It has no particular place in our body but it is rooted in all the activities of the mind, intellect, and senses. So we can't deal with the ego without using our mind, which Guru Angad calls a disease in Raag Asa;

ਹਉਮੈ ਦੀਰਘ ਰੋਗੁ ਹੈ ਦਾਰੂ ਭੀ ਇਸੁ ਮਾਹਿ
ਕਿਰਪਾ ਕਰੇ ਜੇ ਆਪਣੀ ਤਾ ਗੁਰ ਕਾ ਸਬਦੁ ਕਮਾਹਿ
ਨਾਨਕੁ ਕਹੈ ਸੁਣਹੁ ਜਨਹੁ ਇਤੁ ਸੰਜਮਿ ਦੁਖ ਜਾਹਿ ॥੨॥
Haumai Deeragh Roag Hai Daroo Bhi Iss Maa-eh, Kirpaa Karay Jay Aapnee Taa Gur Kaa Sabd Kamaahi. Nānak kahai suṇhu janhu iṯ sanjam ḏukẖ jāhi.
                                                           
Ego is a chronic disease, but a cure does exist for it.  If God grants Its Grace, one acts according to the Teachings of the Guru's Sabd. Nanak says, listen, and people: in this way, troubles depart. -----Guru Angad, Asa Di Vaar, AGGS, Page, 466-18

Much of the interference in recognizing our higher purpose in life is caused by our ego.  So, we must "let go of our ego" if we are to understand who we really are. It could be the conscious and unconscious "personality" who we often consider ourselves to be -- the set of experiences, expectations, and little voices in our head that we hear.  All these can make us put down our ideas.  Or they can challenge us to be who we aspire to be. The ego is also that force which causes us to care about being better than everyone else. This is our competitive nature. Ego can be a healthy driving force.  However, it may also cause problems.

In general, competition destroys creation and can induce self-doubt when we fail.

The problems ego may cause include:

  1. Overly competitive nature, wanting to destroy or judge others.
  2. Putting ourselves rather than the others first.
  3. Taking, rather than giving and serving the others.
  4. Self-puffery, believing we're greater than we really are.
  5. Self-doubt, believing we're less than we are.
  6. Living by circumstance, rather than by faith.
  7. Losing the attitude of gratitude -- expecting everyone to give us everything.
  8. Belief in negativity -- creating fear, uncertainty, and doubt.

The above also provide some keen insights into the process of liberating ourselves.  We may realize that we can get endlessly stuck in the stories of suffering. One may have often received  teachings on compassion and good heart, as written and prescribed in AGGS.   How can they touch you when underneath you are as tough as a block of wood?"

Ego/ਹਉਮੈ is the 5th of the lower instincts that humans are born with. This (lower self) acts as veil over the Higher Self and becomes a character defect affecting progress in spirituality.  One’s Beliefs (blind faith) Become One’s Thoughts-And Thoughts Become Words. Words Become Actions- Actions Become Habits-Habits Become Character. Character becomes one’s Destiny- Which is doomed without good character. Guru Ram Das in Raag Ramkali questions and answers how this ego can be eradicated with which we are born with:

ਕਿਉ ਕਰਿ ਇਹੁ ਮਨੁ ਮਾਰੀਐ ਕਿਉ ਕਰਿ ਮਿਰਤਕੁ ਹੋਇ
ਕਹਿਆ ਸਬਦੁ ਨ ਮਾਨਈ ਹਉਮੈ ਛਡੈ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥
ਗੁਰ ਪਰਸਾਦੀ ਹਉਮੈ ਛਟੈ ਜੀਵਨ ਮੁਕਤੁ ਸੋ ਹੋਇ ॥
ਨਾਨਕ ਜਿਸ ਨੋ ਬਖਸੇ ਤਿਸੁ ਮਿਲੈ ਤਿਸੁ ਬਿਘਨੁ ਨ ਲਾਗੈ ਕੋਇ ॥੨॥
Ki▫o kar ih man mārī▫ai ki▫o kar mirṯak ho▫e. Kahi▫ā sabaḏ na mān▫ī ha▫umai cẖẖadai na ko▫e.Gur parsādī ha▫umai cẖẖutai jīvan mukaṯ so ho▫e.Nānak jis no bakẖse ṯis milai ṯis bigẖan na lāgai ko▫e.

How can this mind be conquered? How can it be killed? If one does not accept the Word of the Sabd, egotism does not depart. By Guru's Grace, egotism is eradicated, and then, one is liberated while Alive. O Nanak, whom the God forgives is united with It, and then no obstacles block his way. -----Guru Amar Das, Raag Ramkali, AGGS, Page, 948

Ego is the inflated feeling of pride in one’s superiority to the others.  It involves the self-consciousness of one’s own identity.  This identity is produced by several mental processes, such as perception, memory and some specific defense mechanisms. Resulting ego is neither an entity nor a process. It is only a notion of I-amness, which exists in the mind. It's not our choice to have the ego or not. We are born with it. It is the nature of the mind to experience its individuality. All our desires, attachment, experiences in the world are due to this ego based in the mind. It is a complex within psyche, which constitutes the center of person’s field of consciousness and carries a high degree of continuity and identity.

Ego is one of the lower instincts one is born with and it is this instinct which dies on death says Guru Arjun, in Raag Maru:

ਜਿਨਿ ਰਚਿ ਰਚਿਆ ਪੁਰਖਿ ਬਿਧਾਤੈ ਨਾਲੇ ਹਉਮੈ ਪਾਈ
ਜਨਮ ਮਰਣੁ ਉਸ ਹੀ ਕਉ ਹੈ ਰੇ ਓਹਾ ਆਵੈ ਜਾਈ
Jin racẖ racẖi▫ā purakẖ biḏẖāṯai nāle ha▫umai pā▫ī. Janam maraṇ us hī ka▫o hai re ohā āvai jā▫ī.

The Primal God, the Architect of Destiny, formed your form; and also burdened you with egotism. It alone is born and dies and it alone comes and goes. -----Guru Arjun, Raag Maru, AGGS, Page, 999-18
ਮਨ ਮਹਿ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਮਹਾ ਅਹੰਕਾਰਾ
ਪੂਜਾ ਕਰਹਿ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਬਿਸਥਾਰਾ
ਕਰਿ ਇਸਨਾਨੁ ਤਨਿ ਚਕ੍ਰ ਬਣਾਏ ॥ 
ਅੰਤਰ ਕੀ ਮਲੁ ਕਬ ਹੀ ਨ ਜਾਏ ॥੧॥
Man Meh Krodh Maha Ahankara, Poojaa Karahi Bahut Bisthaaraa. Kar isnān ṯan cẖakar baṇā▫e.Anṯar kī mal kab hī na jā▫e.

Within the mind dwell anger and massive ego. Worship services are performed with great pomp and ceremony. Ritual cleansing baths are taken, and sacred marks are applied to the body. But still, the filth and pollution within never depart.   -----Guru Arjun, Raag Parbhati, AGGS, Page, 1348

ਜਨਮੰ ਤ ਮਰਣੰ ਹਰਖੰ ਤ ਸੋਗੰ ਭੋਗੰ ਤ ਰੋਗੰ ॥
ਊਚੰ ਤ ਨੀਚੰ ਨਾਨ੍ਹ੍ਹਾ ਸੁ ਮੂਚੰ ॥
ਰਾਜੰ ਤ ਮਾਨੰ ਅਭਿਮਾਨੰ ਤ ਹੀਨੰ
ਪ੍ਰਵਿਰਤਿ ਮਾਰਗੰ ਵਰਤੰਤਿ ਬਿਨਾਸਨੰ
ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਭਜਨ ਸਾਧ ਸੰਗੇਣ ਅਸਥਿਰੰ ਨਾਨਕ ਭਗਵੰਤ ਭਜਨਾਸਨੰ ॥੧੨॥
Janmaʼn ṯa marṇaʼn harkẖaʼn ṯa sogaʼn bẖogaʼn ṯa rogaʼn.Ūncẖaʼn ṯa nīcẖaʼn nānĥā so mūcẖaʼn. Rajan Ta Maanan Abhimaanan Ta Heenan, Parvirat MaargaN Vartant BinaasanaN Gobinḏ bẖajan sāḏẖ sangeṇ asthiraʼn Nānak bẖagvanṯ bẖajnāsnaʼn.

If there is birth, then there is death. If there is pleasure, then there is pain. If there is enjoyment, then there is disease. If there is high, then there is low. If there is small, then there is great. If there is power, then there is pride. If there is egotistical pride, then there will be a fall. Engrossed in worldly ways, one is ruined. Meditating and vibrating on the God of the Universe in the Company of the Holy, you shall become steady and stable. Nanak vibrates and meditates on the God. -----Guru Arjun, Sahskirti Slokes, AGGS, Page, 1355-1

Rather than ego identifying with activated contents of the unconscious, and appearing in a state of their possession, a strong ego can objectively relate to them. This awareness of the self, the consciousness of the feeling that “I am me,” is often false.  It is false because it is identified with matter. The real ego is found in self-realization of the conscious. This can mature towards self-responsibility in acceptance of reality. Then it no longer depends on the outside authority.

ਕਬੀਰ ਮੇਰਾ ਮੁਝ ਮਹਿ ਕਿਛੁ ਨਹੀ ਜੋ ਕਿਛੁ ਹੈ ਸੋ ਤੇਰਾ
ਤੇਰਾ ਤੁਝ ਕਉ ਸਉਪਤੇ ਕਿਆ ਲਾਗੈ ਮੇਰਾ
ਕਬੀਰ ਤੂੰ ਤੂੰ ਕਰਤਾ ਤੂ ਹੂਆ ਮੁਝ ਮਹਿ ਰਹਾ ਨ ਹੂੰ ॥
ਜਬ ਆਪਾ ਪਰ ਕਾ ਮਿਟਿ ਗਇਆ ਜਤ ਦੇਖਉ ਤਤ ਤੂ ॥੨੦੪॥
Kabir Mera Mujh Meh Kich Nahee Jo Kich Hai So Tera, Tera Tujh Kou Soupatay Kia Lagai Mera Kabīr ṯūʼn ṯūʼn karṯā ṯū hū▫ā mujẖ mėh rahā na hūʼn.Jab āpā par kā mit ga▫i▫ā jaṯ ḏekẖ▫a▫u ṯaṯ ṯū.

Kabir, nothing is mine within myself. Whatever there is Yours, O God? If I surrender to You what is already Yours, what does it cost me? Kabir, repeating, "You, You", I have become like You. Nothing of me remains in myself. When the difference between myself and others is removed, then wherever I look, I see only You.   -----Sloke Kabir # 203, AGGS, Page, 1375-9                                                                                              
The continued practice of the message in AGGS does eliminate the old clawing, clinging, and scrapping of one’s mind.  An unloving and unlovable I can change to a loving I AM. As time progresses we find we learn best by teaching. This is the basis of the truism that "When the student is ready, the teacher appears, when the teacher is ready, the student appears." We are all learners and we are all teachers. I used to constantly defend the ego-image of my SELF. It wasn't until the time; I started practicing the scriptural guidance to the best of my ability that my ego’s defensive walls came down.  Life got a lot better. I began to realize that the best defense in all situations was defenselessness. In that situation, one may lose but only the unfruitful part of one-self a defect of one’s character may depart. Only those vital functions that help us manage situations in real life would remain intact. Consistent application of the teachings of AGGS, and in particular the daily review of life, may become marvelously transformative of one’s life. Gurbani brings about a distinctive, fourfold, creative encounter that shapes the process of personal change.

ਜਬ ਲਗੁ ਮੇਰੀ ਮੇਰੀ ਕਰੈ
ਤਬ ਲਗੁ ਕਾਜ ਏਕੁ ਨਹੀ ਸਰੈ
ਜਬ ਮੇਰੀ ਮੇਰੀ ਮਿਟ ਜਾਇ
ਤਬ ਪ੍ਭ ਕਾਜ ਸਵਾਰਹਿ ਆਇ
Jab Lag Meri Meri Karai, Tab Lag Kaaj Aek Nahi Sarai, “Jab Meri Meri Mitt Jaey, Tab Prabh Kaaj Svaareh Aaey.

As long as one cries out, "Mine! Mine!” none of his tasks is accomplished. When such possessiveness is erased and removed, then God comes and resolves his affairs. -----Kabir, Raag Bhairo, AGGS, Page, 1160 &61

There many references on the subject of ego in Sabd Guru:

ਇੰਦ੍ਰੀ ਪੰਚ ਪੰਚੇ ਵਸਿ ਆਣੈ ਖਿਮਾ ਸੰਤੋਖੁ ਗੁਰਮਤਿ ਪਾਵੈ
ਸੋ ਧਨੁ ਧਨੁ ਹਰਿ ਜਨੁ ਵਡ ਪੂਰਾ ਜੋ ਭੈ ਬੈਰਾਗਿ ਹਰਿ ਗੁਣ ਗਾਵੈ
Indree Panch Panchay Vas Aanai Khima Santokh Gurmat Pavai, So Dhan Dhan Har Jan Vad Pooraa Jo Bhai Bairaag Har Gun Gaavai.

Those who have controlled the five senses and the five vices have realized forgiveness, patience, and contentment through Guru’s guidance. Blessed is the person who sings the praises of God and rids himself of the fear and becomes a perfect man with a detachment of heart.  -----Guru Amar Das, Raag Parbhati, AGGS, Page, 1334-16

ਜੇ ਕੋ ਅਪੁਨੀ ਸੋਭਾ ਲੋਰੈ
ਸਾਧ ਸੰਗਿ ਇਹ ਹਉਮੈ ਛੋਰੈ
Jė ko apunī sobẖā lorai. Sāḏẖsang ih ha¬umai cẖẖorai.

If you long for honor for yourself, then renounce your ego in the Company of the Holy. -----Guru Arjun, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 266- 5

(Indri-ਇੰਦਰੀ-Passion- Ten in #- 5 of knowledge & 5 of Karma/action/sex)
By spiritual practice, by devotion, by study of AGGS, by the teachings of Sikh Guru’s, the ego becomes subtler. The gross ego is the ego of individuality, which expresses itself in worldly desires and attachment. Through subtler ego the desires and attachment get weaker and individual self-interests start disappearing. The mind identifies the subtle ego with its own pure state.

ਅਹੰਬੁਧਿ ਕਰਮ ਕਮਾਵਨੇ
ਗ੍ਰਿਹ ਬਾਲੂ ਨੀਰਿ ਬਹਾਵਨੇ
haN-buDh Karam Kamaavanay, Garih Baaloo Neer Bahaavanay.

Good deeds done in the pride of ego are swept away, like the house of sand by water.-----Guru Arjun, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 211-3 

ਟੂਟੇ ਬੰਧਨ ਬਹੁ ਬਿਕਾਰ ਸਫਲ ਪੂਰਨ ਤਾ ਕੇ ਕਾਮ
ਦੁਰਮਤਿ ਮਿਟੀ ਹਉਮੈ ਛੁਟੀ ਸਿਮਰਤ ਹਰਿ ਕੋ ਨਾਮ
Toottay Bandhan Boh Bikar Safal Pooran Ta Kay Kaam, Durmat Miti Haumai Chutti Simrit Har Ko Naam.

One who meditates in remembrance on the Name of God -- his bonds are broken, all his sins are erased, and his works are brought to perfect fruition; his evil-mindedness disappears.------Guru Arjun, Raag Thiti Gauri, AGGS, page, 300-1  

ਖੁਦੀ ਮਿਟੀ ਤਬ ਸੁਖ ਭਏ ਮਨ ਤਨ ਭਏ ਅਰੋਗ
ਨਾਨਕ ਦ੍ਰਿਸਟੀ ਆਇਆ ਉਸਤਤਿ ਕਰਨੈ ਜੋਗੁ
Khudhee Mittee Tab Sukh Bha-ay Man Tan Bha-ay Aroag, Nanak Daristee Aa-i-aa Ustat Karnai Jog.

When selfishness and conceit are erased, peace comes, and the mind and body are healed. O, Nanak, then God comes to be seen -- the One who is worthy of praise.-----Guru Arjun, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 260-9

ਅਗਮ ਅਗੋਚਰ ਕਿਛੁ ਮਿਤਿ ਨਹੀ ਜਾਨੀ ॥
ਸਾਧਿਕ ਸਿਧ ਧਿਆਵਹਿ ਗਿਆਨੀ 
ਖੁਦੀ ਮਿਟੀ ਚੂਕਾ ਭੋਲਾਵਾ ਗੁਰਿ ਮਨ ਹੀ ਮਹਿ ਪ੍ਰਗਟਾਇਆ ਜੀਉ
Agam agocẖar kicẖẖ miṯ nahī jānī.Sāḏẖik siḏẖ ḏẖi▫āvahi gi▫ānī. Khudhee Mittee Chookaa Bholaavaa Gur Man He Meh Pragattaaeiaa Jeeo.

The limits of the Inaccessible and Unfathomable God cannot be known. The seekers, the Siddhas, those beings of miraculous spiritual powers, and the spiritual teachers, all meditate on God. Thus, their egos are erased, and their doubts are dispelled. The Guru has enlightened their minds.-----Guru Arjun, Raag Majh, AGGS, Page, 104

How to get rid of ego?

It is achieved through understanding the Word, service to the Guru, development of virtues and subduing Ausari Gunas (Lower instincts):

ਇਕਨਾ ਨੋ ਸਭ ਸੋਝੀ ਆਈ ਇਕਿ ਫਿਰਦੇ ਵੇਪਰਵਾਹਾ
ਅਮਲ ਜਿ ਕੀਤਿਆ ਦੁਨੀ ਵਿਚਿ ਸੇ ਦਰਗਹ ਓਗਾਹਾ
Ikna No Sabh Sojhee Aa-ee Ik Firday Veparvaaha, Amal Jay Keetia Duni Vich Say Dargha Ogaha.

Some understand this completely, while others wander around aimlessly. Those actions, which are done in this world, shall be examined in the Court of God.-----Sloke Sheikh Farid # 98, AGGS, Page, 1383

ਵਾਹਿਗੁਰੂ ਗੁਰਮੰਤ੍ ਹੈ ਜਪਿ ਹਉਮੈ ਖੋਈ
ਆਪੁ ਗਵਾਏ ਆਪਿ ਹੈ ਗੁਣ ਗੁਣੀ ਪਰੋਈ
Vaaheguru Gurmantar Hai Jap Houmai Khoee. Aap Gava-ay Aap Hai Gun Guni Paro-ee.
                                                                                               
Waheguru is the spell of the Guru, individual reciting it loses his ego. Losing ego and merging into the qualities of God, he himself becomes full of qualities.-----Bhai Gur Das, Vaar 13, Pauri 2-6

Conclusion:

If you owe someone an apology SWALLOW your pride, accept your mistakes/faults and never let your pride end a relationship or friendship or being a devotee to God.

ਨਾਨਕ ਅਉਗੁਣ ਜੇਤੜੇ ਤੇਤੇ ਗਲੀ ਜੰਜੀਰ
ਜੇ ਗੁਣ ਹੋਨਿ ਤ ਕਟੀਅਨਿ ਸੇ ਭਾਈ ਸੇ ਵੀਰ
Nanak Aougun Jaytrhay Tetay Galee Janjeer, Jay Goun Hoan Ta Katian Say Bhai Say Veer.

O Nanak, as many as are the sins one commits, so many are the chains around his neck. If he possesses virtues, then the chains are cut away; these virtues are his brothers, his true brother.------Guru Nanak, Raag Sorath, AGGS, Page, 595

ਬਿਨਸੈ ਮੋਹੁ ਮੇਰਾ ਅਰੁ ਤੇਰਾ ਬਿਨਸੈ ਅਪਨੀ ਧਾਰੀ
ਸੰਤਹੁ ਇਹਾ ਬਤਾਵਹੁ ਕਾਰੀ
ਜਿਤੁ ਹਉਮੈ ਗਰਬੁ ਨਿਵਾਰੀ
ਸਰਬ ਭੂਤ ਪਾਰਬ੍ਰਹਮੁ ਕਰਿ ਮਾਨਿਆ ਹੋਵਾਂ ਸਗਲ ਰੇਨਾਰੀ
ਪੇਖਿਓ ਪ੍ਰਭ ਜੀਉ ਅਪੁਨੈ ਸੰਗੇ ਚੂਕੈ ਭੀਤਿ ਭ੍ਰਮਾਰੀ
ਅਉਖਧੁ ਨਾਮੁ ਨਿਰਮਲ ਜਲੁ ਅੰਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਪਾਈਐ ਗੁਰੂ ਦੁਆਰੀ  
ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਜਿਸੁ ਮਸਤਕਿ ਲਿਖਿਆ ਤਿਸੁ ਗੁਰ ਮਿਲਿ ਰੋਗ ਬਿਦਾਰੀ
Binsai Moh Mayraa Ar Tayraa Binsai Apnee Dhaaree, Santahu Ihaa Bataavhu Karee, Jit Ha-umai Garab Nivaaree. Sarab Bhoot Paarbarahm Kar Maani-aa HovaaN Sagal Raynaaree, Paykhi-o Parabh Jee-o Apunai Sangay Chookai Bheet Bharmaaree, A-ukhaDh Naam Nirmal Jal Amrit Paa-ee-ai Guroo Du-aaree, Kaho Nanak Jis Mastak Likhi-aa Tis Gur Mil Rog Bidaaree.

May my emotional attachment, my sense of mine and yours, and my self-conceit be dispelled?  O Saints, show me such a way by which my egotism and pride might be eliminated. I see the Supreme God in all beings, and I am the dust of all. I see God always with me, and the wall of doubt has been shattered. Such medicine of the Naam, and the Immaculate Water of Ambrosial Nectar, are obtained through the Guru's Gate. Says Nanak, one who has such pre-ordained destiny inscribed upon his forehead, meets with the Guru, and his diseases are cured.
                                                                             -----Guru Arjun, Raag Sorath, AGGS, Page, 616

ਮੈ ਨਾਹੀ ਕਛੁ ਆਹਿ ਨ ਮੋਰਾ
ਤਨੁ ਧਨੁ ਸਭੁ ਰਸੁ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਤੇਰਾ
Mai Naahee Kachh Aahi Na Moraa, Tan Dhan Sabh Ras Gobind Toraa.

I am nothing, and nothing is mine. This body, wealth, and all delicacies are Yours, O God of the Universe. -----Kabir, Raag Gauri, AGGS, Page, 336-18

ਕਬੀਰ ਮਨੁ ਜਾਨੈ ਸਭ ਬਾਤ ਜਾਨਤ ਹੀ ਅਉਗਨੁ ਕਰੈ
ਕਾਹੇ ਕੀ ਕੁਸਲਾਤ ਹਾਥਿ ਦੀਪੁ ਕੂਏ ਪਰੈ
Kabir Man Janai Sabh Baat Janat Hee Aougan Karai, Kaahay Kee Kuslaat Haath Deep Kooey Parai.

 Kabir, the mortal knows everything, and knowing, he still makes mistakes. What good is a lamp in one's hand, if he falls into the well?  -----Sloke Kabir # 216, AGGS, Page, 1376  
ਮੈ ਨਾਹੀ ਕਛੁ ਹਉ ਨਹੀ ਕਿਛੁ ਆਹਿ ਨ ਮੋਰਾ
ਅਉਸਰ ਲਜਾ ਰਾਖਿ ਲੇਹੁ ਸਧਨਾ ਜਨੁ ਤੋਰਾ
Mai Naahi Kach Haou Nahi Kich Aah Na Moraa, Aousar Ljaa Raakh Layh Sadhna Jan Toraa.

I am nothing, I have nothing, and nothing belongs to me. Now, protect my honor; Sadhna is Your humble servant.  -----Sadhna, Raag Bilawal, AGGS, Page, 858

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